Can you live inside this story anymore?

As I've been driving around the city these past days I can't help but look at billboards and want to cry. I can't live inside this story anymore. This is a story about lies about fake, fakey, fake! I have started defining it as the "lies" and prayed in gratitude that my husband can live in the lie and take it or leave it. I can't do that which makes me feel weak. However, today I took back my power on this front. I signed up for an email system. The said they make it really easy! They shared it is so important for an email to be free of jargin or defined so everybody can understand it. I looked at their videos and went deeper for direction. Their direction was FULL of jargin. HA! I emailed the young associate who told me "his design team would help me." Ha! I haven't heard back from him. I wrote in my email that this advice about loosing jargin has been lost on them. I told him it made me laugh. I love laughing at the absurd! What a joy. This is a bad parent in the making, this company. Yes, I can embrace the irony of my shadow right here! The point is, be straight with people because that will make this story change and I can't wait until the mainstream story is Cancer has a cure, you are supported and loved and you can have it and know it now. Because this story is true now and I hope everybody knows this story in the coming years! I'm hosting an emotional release workshop in June, this is not to be missed and only 5 people can participate! Register as soon as you see the class info come out! Love to everybody, even the email guy and "his design team".

In the end the story changes

There is a myth in my family. A myth about who we become in the minds of those left behind when we die. My family makes people bigger than life because there is a little liar in each person in my family, a desire to embellish or make it bigger than it is. It is subtle because I was raised by the smart judgmentals. This was a recipe for solid growth for me. So I decided to think about what would happen if I passed away. From the mother who now tells me, "It is difficult to love you because I know too much about you." Or purposely rejects me when I am in my darkest moments. As much as this sounds like "ouchy" material it is the perfect way for me to feel separation which is what I believe we are here to experience so we can come back to the oneness. She is just playing a role to establish these feelings of rejection and ultimately separation. So I manifest a life that is about "I will never be enough, I am inherently wrong and that no matter what I do, in the eyes of my family, a burden and malicious." So I take this thought about what I've said above and pair it with the passing of my father. Watching the deck of cards shuffle and be dealt. Two people got jokers and they aren't happy. Two people didn't care what hand they were dealt, one retreated and one jumped in to steer the ship. Each noble choices. One sat atop the experience pointing like the highest of the highs, crying when it was appropriate and making all the right moves on the chess board to protect oneself as this one holds the most power on that board. So in my Eulogy, hopeful it is spoken from the heart but in the event it is spoken from the mind, I can bet the words will unfold from this quote from me: "My life is made into great lore from the eyes of my family." All I can really claim is, life is about perception, my perception is I would have signed up for this and I would again. This is living in odd wrapping.

Resistance creates friction, friction creates heat

Yep, the topic is global warming. The place is Earth. This energy experience, meaning Earth, is a place where the law is contrast. The answer is always in the contrast. The law of attraction is about contrast. So if we go back to the ice age, we had dinosaurs, animals who roamed the earth and had low functioning brains. It is possible our current depiction of dinosaurs is off a bit? What if dinosaurs had ipods, meaning they used their intuition to make movement through their lives. Thus, they never separated from their alignment. So if we blast forward to today. The contrast is the age of heat? Why would this be? The human brain has become quite savvy. However, many of us have separated from our alignment with our truth, relying on free-will. Because of this we judge others and ourselves~harshly. This creates resistance and the result is friction which interestingly creates heat. I have no solutions, just an observation I wanted to point out. My speculations center around; we need to ditch free-will, we will all heal and have space for everybody if we stop the resistance and see ourselves and others for the divine beings they and we truly are. Are you going to keep letting fear and resistance stand in your way?

When things stick or in this case "sick" out

Ahhh, a blog post, seems like the last thing you do when you are self employed is update the blog. However, I am home more, I am resting more and figured this makes for a great chance to post. When something goes wrong with your body and there is nobody who can help, we must accept that this is part of the journey. There may be limited support along the way but to complete the journey we must be ready. I've gotten a chance at this. For many years something's been going on with my body. Turns out there is, turns out its a bacterial infection called borrelia burgdorferi. Ever heard of it? I bet you have, its common name is Lyme's Disease named after a Lyme Connecticut where the infection was first spotted and reported. While I'm told this is a vector borne illness caused only by the bite of a tick. I am waiting until I heal to decide. 50% of cases had no rash or tick bite which they recall. For more information and a look into what its like to have Lyme physically, socially as well as what help is and is not available, watch this video "Under Our Skin" streaming on Netflixs and elsewhere I'm certain. As a human I've been told my digestion issues are vanity issues, I'm not sick at all, I'm creating my own problems, open my heart, I have a parasite but now its gone. All of this while I sit in doctor's offices crying, pleading with them to help me. I focused on digestion in conversations with doctors because the fatigue is hard to see. I am a parent with young children. I am self employed, etc. However, it is how this bug has taken my life away which I can now see. I couldn't volunteer, or take things on. Its like it shredded my ability to lead, to be social, to feel good, to see possibilities. It felt like I was always "trying" instead of being. I through the movie Under Our Skin I feel like my body is always in a state of panic. That is no way to live, trust me! I have good help through a functional MD who works out of Vadnais Heights MN. Spiritually, I can see the purpose of this in my life. This "disease" Dis Ease makes perfect sense. I need to let go in a big way. I need to trust others to help me, I need to be ok relying on others. I need support and I need to ask. I need also to take good care of myself. This bug messes with your ability to discern, to use your intuition for your own life. I'm happy for the experience and happy to be working with a doctor who can really help!

Its raining lights!

So its August and from checking in with my guide in June, "I won't be ready for August but I will be ready for September." Meaning me Hmmmm. That is a mystery but most of you know I am journeying through my mystery, currently recalibrating all of my upper Chakras. Sounds like a simple task but there's been some resistance on my part so I keep remembering I'm strong so shares my yoga teacher and allowing the feelings to be acknowledged and expressed. The Pleiades is sending meteors tonight and tomorrow (8/10 & 8/11, 2012), around 60 an hour! These can be seen within the city because of their brightness, I suspect a spectacular show. I can only expect these creatives Pleiadians to follow through with beauty and perhaps some surprise. Gregg Braden talks about the earth shaking three times as part of the shift which is set to occur between the years of 1986 and 2016. Here we are at the height. Many of us feeling the fight of our last purging of 'the things which hold us back' We are fleshing out our skills, non-attachment, discernment, operating from the heart. All of this is to learn to allow. As we bridge these skills with a level of mild mastery it can be that we then operate fully from intention which is all higher dimensions than our own. Or at least that is how I see it. We free ourselves by using our REAL EYES (realizing) we no longer hold belief systems so we are now supported by our connection to the divine and our intention which is guided by our heart. Whomever you are, reading this blog know that your journey has been perfect and will carry on in perfection, accept this perfection as it is and know it is your truth and others cannot follow you until you are ready to lead. The prayer I send out to you is remember your power, keep it as a tool, move to your heart like a little pilot inside and decide from there and lastly, my intention is for our vibrational alignment.

Boy, I've been thinking on this one a bit because things keep popping up. I feel like I'm building a VERY LARGE puzzle and many of the little pieces keep coming. This sounds so wise but its not. I don't understand. At all. I met an astounding woman a few days ago. She happened into my studio beyond chance. This day we amply shared the emotion of sadness and for both it centered around our children. The gift she brought is to see my own shadow and inward critic, unworthiness as a parent at a heart level. At a physical level all looks pretty good. At a spiritual level this looks like separation. Our relating emotional experience is separation, our belief? We are unworthy, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I am fearful of my children. This sounds irrational but that is one piece of my puzzle that overturned itself to be exposed at the end of May. Wow, I wanted to extract it from the puzzle but I know it is part of the bigger picture and the rest I need to release to something bigger with trust. The antidote to separation is forgiveness. I've been working radical forgiveness a lot lately. It ebbs and flows and right now it is flowing. There is a sense of guilt in taking the time to do this work but I know it is the thing to do, no matter how much time it consumes now. The alternative is to be consumed with fear which is fake anyway, wish that lesson would sink in! (I will) It activated in me a request for help from friends. Support to allow or open perspective is a step into me opening my heart fully to my kids. (which is me empowering myself) When I had children, without realizing it I remember saying, "My only fear about having kids is that they'll be like me." What I didn't realize is the gold in this statement. This in that very moment was me saying, "I reject me, so I must reject them" So then, what's the point of having children? It is so they too can feel separation. I struggle being their teacher about separation. I have come to this is the crux of my body issues. I stuff what I am supposed to 'unleash' with them because I am resisting playing the role of being me so they experience separation. Again, I'll figure it out and each day we grow closer to our source and for this I am grateful! Have a good day and honor the pieces in your puzzle no matter what shape they are. Amy

Good day to all! I've changed my career on Linked In to Intuitive Reader. Please visit this when you get a chance. I had an exchange yesterday. I am walking in life through awareness. Keeping myself in my body, observing the emotions as they rise in me. Working with the ego to allow space for its "heightenings." A friend came to spend time with me at my studio yesterday. She is a good friend and has been in my life for a good long time. I talked about an art project I am doing to make 1,000 paintings. I ordered 50 canvases Monday and said, "This is part of my empowerment, this is who I am." Then like most people I told her I have fear. She said, "I see you trust." It shook me a bit because even though surface Amy may feel the fear, she can see trust in me and even though that trust may feel like a rusty nail holding the squeaky gate onto the barn, I feel it too. Then as I spoke about some of those fears, she acted wholly from the Divine. She said, "If you need help with any of this, please call on me." Now many people say this and right away I laid out my well thought out plan for getting canvas here and there, shipping and invoicing as it sells, even down to some marketing I've thought up. What I didn't get until about 1/2 hour later was I heard what she said, I really heard what she said. She said, "She wants my empowerment." It was how she said there is help there for me, it was how she said she can see me trusting this. I usually can't hear these things because I overlay them with my lack. I just told a friend I can't feel and you know what, I think with this friend I claimed it and at some level released it because I cried in the car realizing, I have sooooo wanted the empowerment of others, I read and make art all for this purpose. I felt, if they gain, I gain and we all gain and that is big. However, I now see I can be empowered and it can be done without fear because I have all of the support I need. I built my community and more are flowing in rapidly. This was a big moment for me and I send deep gratitude to this friend who shared her support and to all of my friends who are pure love~which is all of them! Love, Amy