Energy Update, "Conflict"

When we have conflict our natural tendency may be to run! There are fighters and flighters! Who are you? I find most Midwestern people are flighters. I had a psychologist once tell me people of Germanic heritage struggle with conflict because in their DNA lies the message, “If we fight, we fight to the death.” While this makes a bit of sense, I also see this idea transfer to Nordic peoples and other possible cultures too. So why am I writing this article? Because I think conflict is very valuable! If you can say it, if you can go all of the way into the anger inside or push the buttons of another you will hear the belief come right out of their mouth or YOURS! This is pure gold for those who want to actualize their beliefs and reorder them to fit who they are now. I had a work relationship for 8 months with a person and what I didn’t realize was how she was always trying to take my power and I was not doing a thing about it! I think she didn’t even know it. There came a point when we had to renegotiate something. We came to an impasse so we then agreed to add a third party into the mix. The third party is somebody I know can hear all sides and is fair so this seemed perfect! We met for the third time and the “third” person wasn’t there. I asked why? She stammered and I could tell she was lying to me. I lost it. It was 8 months of slowly being power pillaged. Its my fault for not holding my power with her but she also could have been kind and respectful too. What was really happening was we were playing a role for each other and that final role she played for me was to scream my head off and “take it”. She didn’t take it and ran back to her office pointing fingers at me for being horrible! However, I didn’t care what the result. I had gotten something better than making this situation work. I had gotten the chance to spew on her everything I regarded myself to lack. I yelled at her all of the things I reject about me (my shadow). I later tried to reconstruct my violent outburst and was able to recapture most of it, work with it and grow. That was a huge gift this woman gave me. I’d never be able to tell her but I was able to share it with the person who stepped in to work with me forward going. See, so the conflict elicited change, change I needed. I was not cast out but accepted and my needs were met. I was paired then with a new communicator who to this day is a joy with which to work. Conflict is an opportunity. You don’t have to get wildly angry either. You just have to say it, to say what is absurd, seems judgmental and rude. You have to risk loosing your cool to get to the heart of the matter.