When things stick or in this case "sick" out

Ahhh, a blog post, seems like the last thing you do when you are self employed is update the blog. However, I am home more, I am resting more and figured this makes for a great chance to post. When something goes wrong with your body and there is nobody who can help, we must accept that this is part of the journey. There may be limited support along the way but to complete the journey we must be ready. I've gotten a chance at this. For many years something's been going on with my body. Turns out there is, turns out its a bacterial infection called borrelia burgdorferi. Ever heard of it? I bet you have, its common name is Lyme's Disease named after a Lyme Connecticut where the infection was first spotted and reported. While I'm told this is a vector borne illness caused only by the bite of a tick. I am waiting until I heal to decide. 50% of cases had no rash or tick bite which they recall. For more information and a look into what its like to have Lyme physically, socially as well as what help is and is not available, watch this video "Under Our Skin" streaming on Netflixs and elsewhere I'm certain. As a human I've been told my digestion issues are vanity issues, I'm not sick at all, I'm creating my own problems, open my heart, I have a parasite but now its gone. All of this while I sit in doctor's offices crying, pleading with them to help me. I focused on digestion in conversations with doctors because the fatigue is hard to see. I am a parent with young children. I am self employed, etc. However, it is how this bug has taken my life away which I can now see. I couldn't volunteer, or take things on. Its like it shredded my ability to lead, to be social, to feel good, to see possibilities. It felt like I was always "trying" instead of being. I through the movie Under Our Skin I feel like my body is always in a state of panic. That is no way to live, trust me! I have good help through a functional MD who works out of Vadnais Heights MN. Spiritually, I can see the purpose of this in my life. This "disease" Dis Ease makes perfect sense. I need to let go in a big way. I need to trust others to help me, I need to be ok relying on others. I need support and I need to ask. I need also to take good care of myself. This bug messes with your ability to discern, to use your intuition for your own life. I'm happy for the experience and happy to be working with a doctor who can really help!

Its raining lights!

So its August and from checking in with my guide in June, "I won't be ready for August but I will be ready for September." Meaning me Hmmmm. That is a mystery but most of you know I am journeying through my mystery, currently recalibrating all of my upper Chakras. Sounds like a simple task but there's been some resistance on my part so I keep remembering I'm strong so shares my yoga teacher and allowing the feelings to be acknowledged and expressed. The Pleiades is sending meteors tonight and tomorrow (8/10 & 8/11, 2012), around 60 an hour! These can be seen within the city because of their brightness, I suspect a spectacular show. I can only expect these creatives Pleiadians to follow through with beauty and perhaps some surprise. Gregg Braden talks about the earth shaking three times as part of the shift which is set to occur between the years of 1986 and 2016. Here we are at the height. Many of us feeling the fight of our last purging of 'the things which hold us back' We are fleshing out our skills, non-attachment, discernment, operating from the heart. All of this is to learn to allow. As we bridge these skills with a level of mild mastery it can be that we then operate fully from intention which is all higher dimensions than our own. Or at least that is how I see it. We free ourselves by using our REAL EYES (realizing) we no longer hold belief systems so we are now supported by our connection to the divine and our intention which is guided by our heart. Whomever you are, reading this blog know that your journey has been perfect and will carry on in perfection, accept this perfection as it is and know it is your truth and others cannot follow you until you are ready to lead. The prayer I send out to you is remember your power, keep it as a tool, move to your heart like a little pilot inside and decide from there and lastly, my intention is for our vibrational alignment.

Boy, I've been thinking on this one a bit because things keep popping up. I feel like I'm building a VERY LARGE puzzle and many of the little pieces keep coming. This sounds so wise but its not. I don't understand. At all. I met an astounding woman a few days ago. She happened into my studio beyond chance. This day we amply shared the emotion of sadness and for both it centered around our children. The gift she brought is to see my own shadow and inward critic, unworthiness as a parent at a heart level. At a physical level all looks pretty good. At a spiritual level this looks like separation. Our relating emotional experience is separation, our belief? We are unworthy, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I am fearful of my children. This sounds irrational but that is one piece of my puzzle that overturned itself to be exposed at the end of May. Wow, I wanted to extract it from the puzzle but I know it is part of the bigger picture and the rest I need to release to something bigger with trust. The antidote to separation is forgiveness. I've been working radical forgiveness a lot lately. It ebbs and flows and right now it is flowing. There is a sense of guilt in taking the time to do this work but I know it is the thing to do, no matter how much time it consumes now. The alternative is to be consumed with fear which is fake anyway, wish that lesson would sink in! (I will) It activated in me a request for help from friends. Support to allow or open perspective is a step into me opening my heart fully to my kids. (which is me empowering myself) When I had children, without realizing it I remember saying, "My only fear about having kids is that they'll be like me." What I didn't realize is the gold in this statement. This in that very moment was me saying, "I reject me, so I must reject them" So then, what's the point of having children? It is so they too can feel separation. I struggle being their teacher about separation. I have come to this is the crux of my body issues. I stuff what I am supposed to 'unleash' with them because I am resisting playing the role of being me so they experience separation. Again, I'll figure it out and each day we grow closer to our source and for this I am grateful! Have a good day and honor the pieces in your puzzle no matter what shape they are. Amy

Good day to all! I've changed my career on Linked In to Intuitive Reader. Please visit this when you get a chance. I had an exchange yesterday. I am walking in life through awareness. Keeping myself in my body, observing the emotions as they rise in me. Working with the ego to allow space for its "heightenings." A friend came to spend time with me at my studio yesterday. She is a good friend and has been in my life for a good long time. I talked about an art project I am doing to make 1,000 paintings. I ordered 50 canvases Monday and said, "This is part of my empowerment, this is who I am." Then like most people I told her I have fear. She said, "I see you trust." It shook me a bit because even though surface Amy may feel the fear, she can see trust in me and even though that trust may feel like a rusty nail holding the squeaky gate onto the barn, I feel it too. Then as I spoke about some of those fears, she acted wholly from the Divine. She said, "If you need help with any of this, please call on me." Now many people say this and right away I laid out my well thought out plan for getting canvas here and there, shipping and invoicing as it sells, even down to some marketing I've thought up. What I didn't get until about 1/2 hour later was I heard what she said, I really heard what she said. She said, "She wants my empowerment." It was how she said there is help there for me, it was how she said she can see me trusting this. I usually can't hear these things because I overlay them with my lack. I just told a friend I can't feel and you know what, I think with this friend I claimed it and at some level released it because I cried in the car realizing, I have sooooo wanted the empowerment of others, I read and make art all for this purpose. I felt, if they gain, I gain and we all gain and that is big. However, I now see I can be empowered and it can be done without fear because I have all of the support I need. I built my community and more are flowing in rapidly. This was a big moment for me and I send deep gratitude to this friend who shared her support and to all of my friends who are pure love~which is all of them! Love, Amy

Travel does the soul good

I was in St Louis, MO and I saw a photography show at this small gallery while there. The photos were of famous actors, dancers and actresses. Next to each photo was a quote they'd like to share with the world about their craft. Here are the two I'd like to share-

"Clear a place in your brain that is immune from distraction and self doubt"
-Gemze De Lappe

"First find out what your essential self is; second, how to make contact with it, and third, how to do it in front of people."
-Ellen Burstyn

We also saw a sign which read, "Bankruptcy Critique" advertising a law firm, who clearly, ...critiques bankruptcy. I laughed very hard when I read this. I didn't know exactly why I was laughing so hard until I thought of how I define critique. And how's that you ask? A verbal conversation about how to enhance what you've created. Then I knew why I was laughing. Bankruptcy="look what you've created" which fall right in line with my belief system and that we create every experience. In this case you can see if you had a good or bad bankruptcy, so that one goes against my belief system.

Fun vacation on many levels! Go ahead in life and create what you want!

Branching out to See

I held my first "Engaging Intuition Workshop" and it was fabulous! I'm hopeful to have another in April. a favorite thing to do is make Mandalas. I was recently at a Workshop in Georgia with Colin & Joann Tipping. They had us create mandalas, which are circles drawn on a page where you fill the circle with color a bit intuitively. You then set yours out and the others in the group share what they see. It is amazing and perfect in the realization that the "right" people are present and have the "right" things to build a web of understanding within something you've created in which you see nothing but they do, they pull it out! What a wonderful addition to my class. I love this exercise!

Confidence was built and intuition put into action during this event! A great success I'd say.

Control or Expansion, you decide

How did controlling another start? A misunderstanding is what seems to be at this root. I came across an example today while talking to a friend and here's what I've found-

The creator and the destructor are a perfect union. Lets say men are destructors and women are creators. A child constructs a tower with blocks. Another child comes and knocks them over. How do we respond as parents? How do we respond as observers? How do we respond to each child involved?

This story is one of expansion. The boy child who knocks down the tower is actually asking for expansion. His nature is to destruct because without destruction we cannot have creation. The boy reaches out to the girls somewhat tall tower and inside his heart says “I want a bigger tower to knock down, I am activating my natural desire for expansion.” The girl can respond in several ways. ”He hurt me, this is personal” In truth this is a projection and belief given to her from her caregivers. “He wants me to build it bigger, he sees me as a creator. I bet if I ask him he will even help or give ideas on the way to make this of most value for us each. This gives us both a way to expand as completely as we can in this moment because it is his desire and now I choose for it to also be my desire or not my desire. (See it is only his desire, not his need or want but he knows he’s here to expand and create expansion. He creates the room for expansion, although without this co-creation he is not expecting to create both the destruction and creation but allowing another to create the expansion and he waits in this child like state of anticipation about what will unfold. He knows his truth and it is in shaming from a caregiver, which he turns the anger inward and it become destructive through personal control and force vs. through desire.

Where the wind blows you is your choice

There is this pull in me to share the unfoldings of my own journey. In order to connect in my full truth I've needed to go deep into the repressions. Then as I free them my body changes, physical ailments I once had, some chronic just dissappear. It appears there is no rhyme or reason to where, why or when things stop hurting. Although there is, this is the background work my journey is sorting out. My body is a road map and I've traveled a way in this body, compensating, controlling and sedating myself so I could continue to survive. At some point enduring becomes too much. I've hit that breaking point several times and it is a wild soul who sits in their darkest moments with a drum beating to give up and camly allows the rest of the parts who are not beating this drum to, in a relaxed state "watch the drumming" and make the choice not to participate.

This is the grounding, the one teether securing us because when we really look at the drumming it is only fear, the drumming of the "Law of Distraction". Which brings me to a point, if you are distracting yourself all of the time, doing, doing, doing. You are banging this drum and one day this drum will speak. I don't say this from a place of fear because really, nothing is scary it is protective beliefs that sheltered us from certain aspects as we grew and they are now no longer needed. So because they aren't needed, it is time to shed them. This is creation. Deconstruction for expansion and recreation. Creation is messy, it can be painful, however, it is worth going through the experiences of the repressions to integrate them because we then live life whole.